Shut Up And Save Your Marriage!
This is going to sound totally illogical at first, but stop and consider whether the way to ultimately save your marriage is to just stop talking to one another as often. Most assume that they need to talk as often as possible if they want to work things out, but the way they end up talking can lead to more harm than good.
In most cases, a couple going through a stormy period of marriage will end up sitting with a couple’s therapist in attempt to work out the problems. At first it is often tense and having to sit there and listen to the other person’s gripes and grumbles is very aggravating. Yet in the end, some will be able to find common ground and come out okay. Others will turn their sessions into shouting matches that eventually lead to a divorce.
Are you wondering how you can end up one of the former, rather than the latter?
The difference is that the couples who are successful with talk therapy eventually realize that it’s not the talking that saves the marriage! It’s the process of really hearing what each person has to say and then taking deliberate actions in daily life to fix the problems that ultimately saves the marriage.
The key is listening, not talking. Couples therapists can be a great tool, as long as you use them in the right way. Two people staring bitterly at the floor, breath sucked in tight, waiting for their turn to spill all the dirt and get even with the other person, will likely never work anything out. You have to actually listen to one another.
If you are going to try to talk things out, pay attention to what happens after each session. There will always be some sort of action at every moment of every day, and it’s the action after a talk session that will ultimately determine your chances of really working things out. If you both storm to opposite corners or have a huge screaming match, chances are low of coming out successful.
The recipe for success is a short period of open, honest, attack-free discussion where both people are allowed to state the issues as they see it without worry of attack or revenge. If you really listen to one another and then take deliberate action to start fixing the issues, you may really be able to save the relationship.
Instead of storming out of such a session with anger, you should storm out thinking of ways to make things better. Then take action! It’s what you ultimately do, not say, that is going to eventually save your marriage or allow it to self-destruct and erode even further.
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